Back at it

3 months of healing and I’ll tell you what, I feel weak as hell.

Although I know I needed the time to heal, I’m so glad I’m back to my normal self . I’m so thankful to be able to sit or stand without hurting. I’m thankful to be feeling better (who would get the flu while still on antibiotics for bronchitis? That would be me.) Its been a struggle these last few weeks, and I’m honestly just thrilled to be feeling well enough to go for a walk.

I’ve been injured quite a few times in the past and the number one thing I always want to do once I’m cleared is go all out. Its instinct to go back to working out the way you did before the injury, normal weights and tempo of work. So here is my big reminder to myself and to anyone else out there who needs it- take it slow! Let your body re-acclimate to the gym or to your sport. Really listen to your body and take the time you need so you don’t re-injure yourself.

Progress comes with time and I can’t wait to get back to being able to push myself 110% everyday.

Falling hard

To be honest, I have no idea how to start this post. Its been quite a while and I guess I’ve just been trying to find the right words this whole time.

About a month ago, I had a bit of an accident. I fell and fractured my pelvis and have a ruptured hematoma in my hip joint. Its been quite a while since a had a “good” injury like this and I had forgotten all the emotions that come with it. I forgot all about the terror when it happens and the wave of pain. The boredom of sitting in the ER. The exhaustion from something so eventful. And the disappointment that follows you around for weeks as you heal.

I still get sore if I walk around too much. I still have big ugly bruises all over the place. I’ve been out of the gym for a month now. After being on such a good gym streak and really pushing myself to be better, it is truly disheartening to think about all the progress that I had made that has now been lost. I’m eager and yet terrified to get back to the gym. I’m scared to see how much muscle I’ve lost, I’m excited to start gaining it back. I still have a few more weeks of healing to do before I see the gym again, and I’m not looking forward to the wait.

I’m trying to look on the bright-side and how this has given me more time with my family this holiday season and how I’ve gained a bigger appreciation of the people I have around me that helped me through this. I’ll always keep trying to find the good in any situation and I hope you do too.

Cardi-no

For years and years I’ve tried to love cardio. I’ve done all the stretches to make running easier, I’ve downloaded 1000’s of upbeat playlists, I joined the track team in school, I’ve tried cardio classes and I’ve tried to just do the damn thing everyday until it becomes a habit. There is just something about forcing myself to run, bike, climb stairs, or use an elliptical everyday that makes the idea of going to the gym horrifying.

Most recently, I just tried to do the damn thing everyday for about a month and I ended up ditching the gym for almost 2 weeks after. It’s not a question that doing cardio is good for you, but if forcing yourself to do so ends up with resentment over even going to the gym, is it really worth it? To me the answer was no. There are different ways to get in cardio throughout the day that doesn’t ruin my gym time. To me making it to the gym everyday is much more important that logging miles on a treadmill.

Here’s how I plan on sneaking cardio into my days and workouts in the future-

1. HIIT- High intensity interval training is a great way to mesh strength training with cardio for a fast pace, killer workout. Here’s a great example you can do at home (or traveling throughout the upcoming holiday season)
2. Holiday Shopping- I can’t be the only one who thinks pushing a full shopping cart through the grocery store should be considered cardio… Instead of doing all my shopping online, going to the stores and taking a nice stroll around will do!
3. Active dates- The holidays are coming and this means more outings with friends and family. Instead of meeting at a bar for drinks try something more active like bowling, ax throwing, or Wii sports.

At the end of the day, make sure your workouts are something you enjoy not something you feel resentful or is a punishment.

Give Yourself a Break

I go through phases where I can’t get enough of the gym. I love the feeling of getting sweaty, working hard, digging deep to push through that last set you didn’t think you could do. I love feeling like I’m making progress, that I’m making a better version of me. I love progress.

But right now, I’m not there, I’m not living for the gym or fitness. I have to push myself to pack a bag in the morning, it’s become more of a habit than a desire. I don’t get the rush when I see a open weight bench, cardio seems like more of a chore then doing laundry, and the only place I want to go at the end of the day is back to bed.

I believe that the most important thing in living a healthy lifestyle is balance and being healthy in all respects, this means mental health too. The weather is getting colder, there’s less daylight, and work projects are starting to pile up. Not to mention, the holidays are coming up fast, and sick office season is already here. All of these things make life just a little more stressful, and sometimes it’s just too much.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing a break when life gets a little hectic or you’re feeling under the weather. Taking a few days off or just doing some less intense or shorter workouts will not eliminate all your progress. Health or fitness isn’t only going to the gym consistently, it’s taking care of your body and your mind.

So if you’re feeling unmotivated, like me, give yourself a break and practice some self love. Here’s a few of my favorite things to do when I’m needing a break from the usual-

• Yoga/stretching- I usually follow a video from YouTube rather than trecking to a class
• Bubble bath- candles, a bath bomb from Lush, or Epson salts are highly recommended. (Personal favorites are linked)
• Netflix- start knocking out that never ending watch list, go wild and eat some junk food too! Less wild, do some abs or a body weight workout while watching.
• Journal/Planner- I would be lost without my journal/planner thing. I love taking some time to write out all the things I want to do in the coming months and dates I can’t forget.

Sleep

There are many things that most people believe are required to be fit. Proper nutrition, a workout regimen, lots of water; but one thing that often gets forgotten is sleep. I know for me whenever I think about trying to improve my fitness lifestyle, sleep is NEVER the first thing I think about. I always think about the food I’m eating and how I can make that healthier, I think about cutting sweets out of my diet (yeah right…), getting more steps in my day, or just drinking more water. But when really thinking about it, sleep is the number one thing I need to work on.

Being sleep deprived has a multitude of negative effects on our bodies. These three are, in my opinion, the most important to note.

-First,  when we are sleep deprived we aren’t giving our bodies the chance to heal itself. During sleep our bodies will repair our muscles that are damaged from our workouts. Lack of healing will, of course, negatively impact fitness progress.

-Second, lack of sleep leads to lack of concentration. For me, I notice this most significantly at work. When I don’t get enough sleep I can barely get through my email without getting distracted. Having this lack of focus can lead to less productive gym time and possibly injury.

-Lastly, when lacking sleep the body tends to fatigue easier. When fatigued we may not push ourselves to finish that last set or last circuit, therefore losing productivity in the gym.

Also as a side note, motivation to actually workout is significantly decreased when sleep deprived! So if you’re struggling to find the determination to make it to the gym every day, I recommend taking a look at your sleep schedule and see if that may be a factor.

Morning Workouts

Who else has a love hate relationship with early mornings? (Please tell me its not just me…)

There are some days where I spring out of bed ready to go, and there are others where leaving the warmth of my blankets takes me an hour of convincing. Everyday I have the goal to do at least a small workout in the morning, sometimes it goes great and others not so much. But through trial and error, there a few things I’ve learned over the last year–

First, I totally sleep in the clothes I’m going to workout in. Since I do my morning workouts at home, a sports bra and a pair of shorts is my go-to. If I am going to the gym in the morning on the weekends, I make sure I have all my gear together before going to bed. This include the clothing I’m going to wear, water bottle(with pre-workout), lock, wallet, everything. The less I have to think in the morning, the better. Its also one less excuse I have!

Second, find a workout that you actually want to do in the morning. Some days, especially after a really heavy weight day I’ll do some yoga so I’m not so sore and tight throughout the day. Most days though, HIIT is my go to. Not only does it wake me up REAL QUICK, but I can also do most with no special equipment which = less thinking for me! I also find that its the most time efficient for me, I can get an entire workout done in about 20 minutes.

Third, music. For me music while working out is absolutely essential. Finding or creating an awesome playlist the night before makes it way easier for me to crank through my workout in the early hours. By the time morning rolls around I’m usually excited to put my headphones on!

Lastly, reward yourself!! You just did something amazing while most people would still be sleeping! I have a special flavored coffee that I treat myself with when I do a morning workout, but a food, juice, or special protein shake would work too.

Morning workout are hard. There’s no getting around that. But with these little trick, I’ve found they’re getting a little bit easier. (we’ll see what happens when the cold of winter returns!)

Nutrition rant-

Over the weekend I spoke with a gentlemen who told me that he was going vegetarian because it was healthier for him. He refused to eat any meat on the basis that he read an article that said how terrible all meat was for your body. Now personally, I am not a huge meat eater simply because I do not enjoy the taste or texture of most meats. In fact, I was a vegetarian for a very very long time. So whenever I meet someone that also doesn’t eat meat I feel absolutely compelled to speak to them about it. I want to know what they use for a protein source, how they make up the nutrients ect. It’s something I’m very passionate about and I’m always looking for meat free protein options.

So of course I ask him “what do you use for protein?” Now being someone who has spent countless hours researched different proteins, meat alternatives, and making sure I’m getting all 9 amino acids from the plant based proteins I use daily; imagine the shock on my face when he tells me that the Red Baron pizza he ate at dinner has about 30 grams of protein so he should be good for a while…

Now I’m not trying to be an asshole to this guy because I totally believe in letting people do whatever the heck you want to do with your food and body. It just shocked me that this man was preaching about how much healthier he was than the rest of us because he was not eating meat without any real evidence to back it up. And truthfully (without any research here) I can’t image eating an entire pizza can be very healthy.

In this day and age, there are so many articles about fad diets and misinformation about nutrition circling around that I think things like this happen far too often. Now again I will say, do your own thing because I have absolutely no place to say what anyone should or should not be doing with their lives.

But I will stand on my soapbox and scream until the end of time that everyone needs to do their research before making a major change in their diets.

I do not believe in going keto because you saw a post on Instagram.

I do not believe in going vegan because it’s the hip new thing.

I do not believe in cutting out all dairy because you heard a friend say it’s great.

Simply I do not believe in cutting out ENTIRE food groups without a way to replace those nutrients. Food is fuel and our bodies require certain things in order to be able to function. It is absolute insanity to me that people are willing to eliminate half the food they eat because they read it could be bad and don’t think for a second about the effects this could have.

The reason I scream on a soapbox over this is because I’ve been there. When I was young I decided I was done eating meat and dairy and I just stopped out of the blue. I cut them out completely, I did nothing to replace those nutrients and it was the WORST thing I could have done. My bones started getting weaker, my muscles stayed sore for days longer than I was used to, I bruised much easier than ever before, and my energy level was lower then I could ever imagine. Being a highly competitive skater, these things were incredibly detrimental to my training. Thank goodness I went to a doctor before anything too terrible happened.

I guess in the end remember that just because you’re following the latest and greatest diet doesn’t necessarily mean you’re healthy, and neither does cutting food groups out. If my rant means anything to you, please take this to heart; do your research about what you are and are not going to put in your body, do what is best for you, not anyone else, and please talk to a nutritionist before making a major diet change.

*End rant*

Weight

I began figure skating at age 3, and I loved it. Growing up and moving up in levels, more and more things began to be determined by my weight. I could be lifted in synchro because I was small, I was a great candidate for pairs because I was small, I was a great jumper because I was small. It was drilled into my head day after day that the more weight I had, the more I had to lift into the air, the more it would change the way I spun; the worse off I would be.

Since then, weight gain has been my biggest fear. I never wanted to see the number on the scale increase. If it did, I thought I had failed, that all my hard work on the ice would have been for nothing. Obviously being so young, weight gain wasn’t something I could avoid. I was growing up, getting taller, growing into a new body. It was horrifying and shameful.

It took me years to give up the scale. I truly couldn’t tell you what my weight is currently and I’ve never felt better. I am stronger then ever before both mentally and physically, and I am proud of the body I live in now. It has been through so much, so many injuries, so many grueling workouts, hours of physical therapy; and yet it still caries me through the day.

The 5 P’s

Practice and preparation prevent poor performance.

As a competitive figure skater that was one of my mantras. Running myself through grueling program after program, throwing myself into the ice again and again, accumulating bruises, waking up at 4 am to get on the ice before school; I beat the 5 P’s into my head. Everything was mechanical; arm placement, head tilt, leg extension, wake up, train, repeat. Everything was a formula to produce the perfect performance. Anything less than perfect was simply unacceptable.

I have always been the athlete on the ice; I had the speed, the power, the elements, and therefore a lot of pressure to be perfect. I grew up thinking that a missed element was a complete failure. I punished myself for even the slightest mistake because I thought it meant I wasn’t training hard enough. I must not have had enough practice or I wasn’t prepared enough. I prided myself on knowing that I could push myself harder than anyone else I skated with, when determination wasn’t enough it left me feeling inadequate and miserable.

2013 was my last competitive singles season, since then I’ve had nothing to truly train for. I’m college I was only able to skate about 3 days a week, nothing close to a competitive training schedule. The void of having nothing to work for left me lost and mourning the past. I went from having skating being absolutely everything to me to having nothing. I didn’t know how to be me without being a competitive figure skater. I started feeling anxious and restless all day, every day. That’s when I started going to the gym. It gave me an outlet for all my extra energy and helped me burn off some anxiety and stress from my course load and work. I was able to train my body at my own pace, set my own goals that I could achieve. Every time I went to the gym I learned something new about myself or what my body could, to this day I still love seeing the new things I can do. 

I still believe in practice and preparing myself the best I can for the future, but I don’t believe that a “poor performance” is the end of the world anymore. You could practice forever, train harder than anyone and mistakes are still going to happen. A poor performance is a learning experience, it teaches us how we can grow and better ourselves. Every day I look forward to more learning experiences because I refuse to believe in failures.

Beginning

When I first started going to the gym, I was always anxious to be there. I was scared to embarrass myself, I was scared I wasn’t good enough to be there. I thought that once I could lift enough, I would belong. Or once I could do a pull-up, I could be comfortable.

Nowadays, I can do all things I dreamed of years ago. And yet, I’m still timid. I still feel anxious doing new workouts, I’m still worried about embarrassing myself, and I’m scared to workout in new places.

Lately this feeling of anxiety and not belonging has been extra true, its why I haven’t been posting. Anything I could have said would have been a lie. I haven’t been comfortable lately, I’ve been nervous and self-conscious in all that I do. I think I’ve been pushing so hard to be a person I made up in my head that I forgot who I’d really like to be.

I had a birthday a few weeks ago. Birthday’s are always hard for me, I think over the past year and realize how many things I wanted to do but didn’t. I see all the things that I missed out on because I was too scared or too embarrassed. This year was the first time I truly realized how much older I’ve gotten and how much I’m still letting myself miss. The time goes by so fast now, I’m scared I’m going to miss it all.

Maybe, for me,  the gym-jitters are something I’ll never truly get over; being self-conscious is just a part of who I am. But I think its important to keep pushing myself to do more things that scare me, how else could I grow? I’m tired of missing out.